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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26471590">in the lowering night</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimaracretak/pseuds/kimaracretak'>kimaracretak</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Nikita (TV 2010)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Hair, Knives, Nightmares, Nightmares That Are Also Memories, Psychological Horror</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:09:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>598</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26471590</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimaracretak/pseuds/kimaracretak</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It isn't Nikita's dream. It doesn't matter.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amanda Collins/Nikita Mears</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Jump Scare 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>in the lowering night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedevilchicken/gifts">thedevilchicken</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Bring on salvation<br/>I have a way to find mine: I swallow light<br/>And what if I move, lapsing into failure<br/>In the lowering night, in the lowering night<br/>I had waited for you,<br/>though I was certain you wouldn't come back<br/>— 'Sanction', Katatonia</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Nikita."</p><p>There's a thumb pressing against her mouth, a nail digging into her lower lip. She flicks her tongue out, tastes blood and skin and Amanda's perfume.</p><p>"What are you doing here?" Where was here? A closet, she thinks, as her eyes begin to adjust to the dark; four close bare walls and only the barest hint of a seam for the door.</p><p>Amanda's hands brush her hair back from her face, gathering it at the base of her neck. They coil it around and around and around for much longer than Nikita knows it should take to twist her hair into a bun, but she doesn't say anything. If she does, Amanda might stop. </p><p>"You tell me why we're here, Nikita." The weight of her hair is starting to pull her head back, and she can see the thin band of light at the door's edge, the vast starless sky spread above them. "It's your nightmare, after all."</p><p>It couldn't be. She'd never been here before. Being trapped like this was someone else's nightmare, was -</p><p>"Dreams don't work like that, Nikita," Amanda says, sharp but not unkind. "If it's not your dream, why do you have a knife?"</p><p>The tension goes slack as her hair continues to coil around and around Amanda's fist, and she can't do anything but drop her head to stare into her lap. The knife is the only bright thing - the only thing she can see at all. It's Amanda's knife - her knife, now.</p><p>"You gave it to me," she says, running her finger along the edge of the blade. She doesn't feel pain, doesn't feel anything at all, but she sees the blood well up anyway. "For my birthday."</p><p><em>And now?</em> Amanda's unspoken question lingers where she presses her lips to the back of Nikita's neck. In the vanishing space between their hands as she reaches forward to wrap Nikita's fingers around the blade, the vanishing space between their bodies as Nikita leans back to chase the feeling of Amanda's lips on her.</p><p>She can want this, in dreams.</p><p>Together they lift the knife, the flat of it resting against Nikita's neck. "Show me," she says, and Nikita isn't sure which one of them shifts the knife just enough that she can feel the edge prickle along her throat. "Show me," Amanda says. "It's your memory."</p><p>In the past, the room had been wide and white and clear and her throat had been closed by poison and Amanda had walked away.</p><p>In the nightmare, the room is close and dark and she can't see her throat open under a knife and Amanda holds her the whole time.</p><p>In the memory, Nikita is alone.</p><p>If she opens her eyes, Amanda will be caged, alone.</p><p>"You don't want to leave me alone, Nikita." Amanda lets go of her hair, and it seems like her hands are everywhere - tight at Nikita's waist, on her bleeding throat, tracing over her breasts. "Not after you went to such lengths to <em>save</em> me."</p><p>She should be better than this, in dreams.</p><p>"I can't." She's crying - how long has she been crying? "Amanda, how do I wake up?" She's young again, young like in the foster homes. Maybe this was her closet. Maybe she's always been afraid like this.</p><p>"You don't." Amanda turns Nikita's head with a gentle touch, lays her down and lets her hair curtain them both. Her perfume smells of blood. "We stay here. Together."</p><p>Nikita lifts a hand, brushes Amanda's own tears away from her cheeks. She doesn't say a word.</p><p>Doesn't open her eyes.</p>
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